the official blog of the evergreen freedom foundation

Pssst...Hey buddy...wanna score some Cascade? Get high on Electrasol? Or do you just wanna leave your dirty dishes dirty even after cycling through the dishwasher???

Only in Looney Tunes Washington state do you find all the $20 bills no longer having cocaine residue on them - it's being replaced by dishwasher soap, the possession of which may soon bring stronger criminal penalties than those for the possession of drugs.

 

From Spokane comes word of a massive smuggling effort by citizens in Spokane County.  These criminal scofflaws are going all the way to the Coeur d'Alene, ID Costco to score some really sweet, high-end diswhasher detergent, otherwise unavailable in Spokane.  Just what deviant behavior results when you mainline phosphate-based devil powder is, as yet, unknown.  But I'll bet rehab is a real bear.

 

                                                             

 

Rumor has it that the struggle for power among those who make and distribute black-market detergents will soon degenerate into violence that will make the now-bloody Mexican drug wars look like a Sunday School picnic by comparison.   How soon before U.S. troops will be forced to contain fight-to-the-death skirmishes among gangs of clean-dish-lusting housewives who would rather kill than have to wash by hand?

 

                                                    

 

And how soon before farmers in Afghanistan toss over their opium poppies all in favor of packaging up a potent mix of phosphates and other chemicals to make a highly addictive dishwasher detergent? 

 

What will former Seattle Police Chief and now newly appointed Obama Administration drug czar Gil Kerlikowske have to say about all this?  What policies will he develop to address the issue? 

 

 

                                      

 

His well known penchant for focusing on treatment rather than jail for offenders won't win him any friends among the greenies who are pushing the new, impotent types of diswasher detergent.  They want the harshest penalties for those who break our dishwasher laws - no leniancy since it sets a terrible example for the youth of America who are but a hair's width away from falling into a detergent bucket of despair.

 

What eventually will have to happen is for the Obama Administration to convene a major Dish Deal Summit that will bring all the parties together (including North Korean strongman KimJong-il, who is rumored to be packing the missle he's about to launch with several pounds of phosphate-rich LAUNDRY powder, a product not seen in the U.S. since 1993 - Do we really want to revisit those days?) for an international resolution of the matter. 

 

                                          

 

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who is no slouch in certain domestic areas (remember the cookies?), has promised full United States backing of any initiative to supplant the manufacture and distribution of illicit dishwasher detergent with something more palatable and sane.  Cigarettes have been mentioned - especially those that appeal to school children.

 

                                          

 

But when dishwasher detergent is outlawed, only outlaws will have dishwasher detergent.  To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, "We must all rinse together, or we'll all be rinsed separately."

 

Less important issues like the Washington State Budget and world peace will have to take a back seat until this crisis is resolved, hopefully without a resort to nuclear weapons (nothing gets that goo off the good China!)

 

The Piper